Finally, an Exercise Bike that Makes Sense

Where the Hell was this thing 29 years ago? I use the point in time 29 years ago to reference the moment when I began, quite unintentionally, to transform myself from a strapping young man into the gelatinous mound of hair-covered, stooped-over, prematurely gray, nicotine-stained .....lover of all things Beer! Benjamin Franklin once said, "Beer is proof that there is a God and He wants us to be happy." I believe Ben was misquoted, because he seems to only ever refer to a belief in God in a tongue-in-cheek sort of way. I have it from a reliable source that he actually said "Beer is *burp*, proof that *fart*, blah, blah, blah, happy. Buahahaha!" That's how I would have said it.
Anyway, if this exercise bike had existed when I first began to turn away from the Light and toward the nectar that is Beer, I might actually have become an in-shape beer drunk (and modest home-brewer of said nectar), instead of the sad, wrung-out piece of human flotsam (and modest home-brewer of said nectar) that everyone, sooner or later, grows to love.
I must insert a disclaimer here. If you have not already figured it out, I was doing a bit of drinking just prior to composing this post. In my defense, and I am sad to say, I have not had a single drop of beer. Apparently, the elves who deliver the Light of Coors have been taken ill with the Swine Flu. Thus, there is no Light of Coors to be found within the walls of my Kingdom. Therefore, I have been sampling a little bit of a liquid product from a strange and exotic land called Canada. Something called Canadian Regal Diluted Whiskey. I'm told that Canada is a magical place just to the north of me, and that the inhabitants of Canada are responsible for Molsen. That's it! Ben Franklin actually said "Molsen is proof that there is a beer from Canada, and it wants us to be happy." I like it........